Chosque!

Rev Philip Foster

The ArchMullicah of the Archcaliphate of Englandistan, his eminence
Rohiman Williams II of Canterbury today decreed a new Fatois.

”After the introduction of parts of Sharia law in 2009 proved so
successful, in order to increase inclusiveness, we intend to urge the
government of Britanistan to complete the work. The Chosque of
Englandistan has already benefitted greatly from Sharia marriage law.
Being able to perform marriage for up to five persons has proved to be
very popular.

The special discount fees for quantity had proved financially
rewarding for the Chosque of England, enabling several new Chosque
Madrassas to be built.

But as the incidences of adultery had also increased in recent years
he stated that it was time to draw a line in the sand (or in the neck)
and introduce the full Sharia penalty system: now, instead of
committing adultery when stoned, people will be stoned for committing
adultery. This will follow on from the successful implementation of
the 'hands off hoodies‘ policy introduced in 2010 after the hardly
lamented demise of ASBOS. Though a few hardened hoodies had introduced
the slogan ”Look! No hands!" as defiance of the new laws, crime figures
for muggings had fallen dramatically. ”The new laws gave us a really
good handle on the issue" said the senior Amir of the Metropolistan
Police with a smirk.

Finally his eminence declared his pleasure in seeing how most Chosque
of Englandistan buildings had replaced the old outmoded crosses, both
externally and internally, and replaced them with the new, inclusive,
Croscents (a combined logo of crescent and cross designed by Saatchi
and Saatchi).


Rev Philip Foster